DRIMStoned

I remember I had a blog once in high school with the name DrIMStoned. I can't find it at all. I went searching the web and nothing. I wondered what happened to it.

I think I changed I lot since high school, though it's also been seven years as well. Amazing how I don't do all those things I use to.

Wow

Took me a while to realize, or even stop being lazy, but I did it. I changed the background and layout, but that won't be the one I will continue to use. Over time I plan on making it different. not right now, maybe within the next month or so, but I think this is an improvement, though hard to read.

Caring too much is not good such as not caring enough. Finding a middle ground is hard to do, but when it is done, it feels good. I'm talking of course about certain situations. When I care but don't care about something, it makes life seem so much more easier than usual.

OMG

So, I purchased a scale today, first scale I've had in, well since I was seven. Last few times I was weighed was at the doctors, first time I was 168, second time in December I was 172. Now I'm 160. Amazing. I kept telling people I weighed 180, not just for shock value, but because I honestly thought I would weigh that much by now. Meaning, if I keep up this whole training thing I've been doing, and within a few months I may achieve 140, and I will be in better shape and be able to quit smoking and, yadda.

Even purchased a sports bra so I can run a whole lot more than just a few yards. Now all I need is a pair of sweat pants that actually fit and to learn how to wear proper sneakers and not boots all the time. I haven't worn sneakers since junior high.

Noticing

I'm afraid. I know what I want career I want to get into, and I have many people who are supportive of my decision and many people who are willing to do anything to help me achieve it but I'm afraid to continue on with it.

At first when I started this blog several years ago, I forgot about it until a few years later when I was like "I should start a blog" then found out I have already started one. I realized that this blog has helped me with issues I have. For instance, though all these blogs are not about me bitching and whining about what has happened, well not enough bitching and whining, anyways back to what I was saying. I post here when I've been upset about something or I've been angry, or crying which made me feel at somewhat ease and won't be mad at people around that I should not get angry at for simply being in my life.

Now I write because I'm scared. I'm almost complete with my degree and I know what career choice I want to be involved in. I'm scared I won't look the part or be able to act the part or handle myself in situations well enough. I would talk to someone in the field, but I'm scared of what they may say about it. Well I actually have and they're very willing to help me out. But still.

Writing is a passion, not a career for me. I need something that makes me feel good about myself and maybe in a few years I'll be happy with who I am, but right now I'm scared. I'm sure many people feel this way about actually going into the world and seeing the world and living within the world.

I'm scared they'll know about how I was in high school and how I was up until about three years ago and about what I've done and I'm not sure if I can handle that. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to succeed in my goal.

I'm hoping in a few months I will think differently and in a few years I will actually be within my career choice. Just need to keep training for my goal.

Procrastination

Well, I haven't been doing my work for school in a while, which is all do within two weeks. I've been writing other things. Right now, I'm actually trying to open the word processor that holds my work for school, it won't work. It's starting up but it's taking forever to load and I need to be at work in six hours. This is what I get for waiting until the last minute.