on my mind

I have been writing still, though I know that my first work sucks... Anyways, as I write I wonder if I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I watched my mother get hurt, well beaten, by my father, first person I wanted to be with wanted me to quit my job and live off the government with many children in the house. Second did not have a job or a car, lied about having both and a house and then I later found out they had nothing all the while living off their father who moved out of his own house to get away from his own child. Also had my grandfather look into the background, turns out that person was violent and had several dui's. Also, from the two months I was with them, they killed their dog and cat and blame me for it to make me feel like shit in hopes to get me back. They also sent pictures of their dead animals... Anyways, alone, upset, about to change careers, scared to death. I'm tired of waiting around for someone who would be different than most of these damn people. Why can't I find someone who is not living off of government assistance, who has a job and won't mind paying for dinner once in a while? Everyone who is interested in me seems to not have a job and is on some sort of government aid... I have never needed government aid, not do I wish to be on it. Most of them seem as though they never had a job before... it seems like the only one in my life is my cat and dog and they don't fill the purpose I need...almost desperat enough to try online dating... Lol. .. Anyways, the book. Yes... continuing on work trying not to think about my misery by writing more crap... news and updates later... oh, and maybe the animation and or a live action stupid video thing. Thank you and good night...